Beyond obedience

I have two daughters, ages seven and four. I expect them to obey. I expect them to obey quickly and completely. However, this obedience is not due to my greatness or their debt toward me. The purpose of the obedience is to protect them and form habits, behaviors, values, and character in their lives. As children, they are being molded into people with purpose, self-awareness, and character. I do not expect them to obey me forever. I would not want that. When my daughters are 24 and 21, or even 18 and 15, my demands for complete obedience will be inappropriate. If I father them appropriately…if the discipline of obedience is blended with discussions of values and explanations of reasons and lives properly modeled…then once they reach a certain age, those external efforts should result in internal qualities. I hope to look at each of my daughters at 18 knowing that her mother and I have fulfilled our primary responsibility of guiding the formation of her inner person so that we can release her to make decisions for her own life. She will spend most of her life in self-guidance rather than obedience. Obedience is a formative stage. If I demand obedience when she is 20 or 30, then I am not releasing her to the fullness of life. Will she make mistakes? Yes, but that is life. And if her inner works have been formed properly, she will avoid many of the pitfalls we so often fear and will heal and learn from her mistakes.

For years I believed that Christian maturity was complete obedience to the voice of God. Listen. Hear. Obey completely. That is a spiritual person. But I’ve had a shift in my thinking. Compare the example above. If we are truly being made in His image and being formed into the fullness of the stature of Christ, then maybe there is something beyond obedience. Obedience is formative. We listen and obey, so we know His heart and we act accordingly. But over time these principles and values are internalized. They become our own treasures and worldview. The line between His will and our own blurs. Our hearts grow good. One day we wake up realizing…Wow, I want the things of God. His heart is mine. The years of obedience have served their purpose, have turned stone to flesh. My desires are true and pure. I just want to love and serve and bless. At that point, we are no longer bound to the rule of obedience. Instead, God says, “Your heart is good. I have done well with you. What is on your heart? Follow what is in you. I—the God of the universe and your Father—trust you.” That is an unorthodox picture. My faith in Him is met by His faith in me. I am released to live my life, to make choices, to fall, to get up again, to change directions. He watches, not abandoning, but not controlling either. He is enjoying the show that is my life. Like my Father, I create out of love. This is beautiful to Him—the life of His child all grown up…a man.

NOTE: This idea began with a discussion with a good friend in Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan in 2004. This particular version was updated March 2009.